Just like everything in life, the good times are sandwiched in with bad times.
It’s about the time of year where we all display our most wonderful moments from the last year on social media – which is great. It’s good to dwell in the happy, bright spots of life, and even better to consciously appreciate them. We can always use a little more sunshine in our lives, right?
However, it’s not always super realistic to throw out our best pictures of the year and call it a summary – social media so often becomes a highlight reel (which I am guilty of contributing to), and I’d be lying if I said 2019 was anything near dazzling.
While 2018 was pure magic, 2019 has been one of the most challenging years yet for me.
It’s been a constant tide of telling myself “I just have to get through (insert upcoming challenge here) and then things will be better.” Change has truly been the only constant this year, and it’s been a lot to swallow. Some of you know I’ve been dealing with anxiety for a few years, and this year it threatened to swallow me whole. I’ve always been good at controlling it and better at concealing it, but this year it ballooned out of my ability to handle alone. It took a while for me to climb out of that headspace, and I’m still working on getting back to my normal levels of “me.” My Everest trip, which I so desperately needed, fell through, which was a crushing loss that took months to recover from. I was using it as an escape from my problems, and was forced to face them head on when the trip fell through.
I’ve become pretty confused about where I’m meant to go in the next chapter of my life, but the past year has also forced me to face some things that I’ve been looking away from for awhile, and confront some parts of myself that I want to change. I’ve dealt with challenging people, but those experiences have taught me a lot about who I don’t want to be, and who I do want to be, as a result. I’ve lost friendships and gained some. I’ve disappointed myself, and been proud of myself. I’ve learned from both mistakes and successes. There’s been a lot of re-setting of the scales.
So that’s the murkier grey of 2019. As much as I am a glass-half-full, look-on-the-brighter-side kind of human, I think it’s important to be honest about the less appealing parts of life as much as the bright spots – with social media especially, I think we sometimes present a warped, unrealistic view of the world that doesn’t paint the whole picture when we glaze over the rougher edges.
As we rapidly approached 2020, which I have been crazy ecstatic for years about, waiting in anticipation, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. This time last year I felt like the sunshine I want more of now – I’d wrapped up a fantastic year, had adventure and plans on the horizon, and everything was sitting pretty well, despite a few challenges that were working their way into my life. But this year, I felt none of that. I feel an urgency to dip out of 2019 and Charleston right into 2020. And while that is a solid 70% excitement for the future, it’s a pretty ugly 30% resentment for the last year.
And so while I’ve been honest about the less appealing parts of 2019, I want to fondly remember the good parts before I put the year behind me and jump into an era that I know was made for me. It is the Jazz Age again, after all, Old Sport.
So the good. This year (as you likely know based on the number of times I screamed from the mountaintops about it) I completed my goal of visiting all 75 State Parks in Minnesota. This has been one of my favorite parts of my 25 Things List, and one of the most rewarding goals I’ve worked on, ever. I visited California and went skateboarding down the legendary Black Hill in La Costa, both visiting a sweet part of history, and also my dad’s old stomping grounds. Lots of nostalgia. I earned the Mike Popelka Volunteer of the Year Award for my work with the Chamber of Commerce. I became Chair of the Chamber of Commerce Board of Directors, Chair of the Marketing Committee, and Chair of the Economic Development Committee in the town I work in, and I’m very proud of myself for the role I get to play through those organizations.
I found my church home at Westwood Community Church, where I’ve met some phenomenal friends, and found a place that has been my peace amidst all of the crazy in 2019. It’s been a place and group of people that I could lean on when I needed it most, and an “instant calm” every time I walked through the doors.
I ran a 10K and handbound a copy of The Great Gatsby (just in the nick of time for 2020). I line-danced in Denver, explored Washington D.C. a la Nicholas Cage, went on an incredible silent retreat, and become an eagle magnet.
So like I said, the good times in life are sandwiched in with the bad. I’ve been drained from this year’s challenges, but I’ve also been uplifted by the high points, and I’m looking forward to a new decade.
I have a feeling 2020 is going to be my year.
Keep up with me in 2020, Old Sport:
